"Those who put all their ingenuity and energy into fooling us usually succeed." - MALCOLM GLADWELL
~
According to a study by the National Institute of Mental Health, the average molester of girls will have about fifty victoms before being caught and convicted; the average molester of boys will have an astonishing 150 victims before being caught and convicted. - Gavin de Becker "Identifying Child Molesters; Preventing Child Sexual Abuse by Recognizing the Patterns of the Offenders
~
[G]ood people are rarely suspicious: they cannot imagine others doing the things they themselves are incapable of doing; usually they accept the undramatic solution as the correct one, and let matters rest there. Then too, the normal are inclined to visualize the [psychopath]as one who's as monstrous in appearnace as he is in the mind, which is about as far from the truth as one could well get... These monsters of real life usually looked and behaved in a more normal manner than their actually normal brothers and sisters, they presented a more convincing picture of virtue than virtue presented of itself-- just as the wax rosebud or plastic peach seemed more perfect to the eye, more what the mind though a rosebud or peach should be, than the imperfect origional from which it had been modelled. - William March, The Bad Seed.
~
These often charming--but always deadly--individuals have a clinical name: psychopaths. Their hallmark is stunning lack of conscience; their game is self-gratification at the other person's expense. - Robert D. Hare PhD, Without Conscience: The Disturbing World of the Psychopaths Among Us
~
Unlike psychotic individuals, psychopaths are rational and aware of what they are doing and why. Their behavior is the result of choice, freely exercised. - Robert D. Hare PhD, Without Conscience: The Disturbing World of the Psychopaths Among Us
~
Bob denied most of the allegations, insisted his daughter had been the sexual aggressor, blamed Wanda for having gained weight, but acknowledged enough culpability that head was convicted.
When Wanda met Bob she knew nothing about these prior incidents. She described being swept off her feet in a whirlwind romance, and noted that he was scrupulously attentive to her. She was disappointed that this attentiveness waned considerably after the marriage, but assumed that to be normal. She became more and more uncertain of herself during the relationship as he would disagree with her perceptions, argue about the accuracy of her recollection of events, and refute minor points while belittling her about everything, all done with such subtlety, ingenuity and finesse that she always assumed she was at fault. - Carla van Dam, The Socially Skilled Child Molester: Differentiating the Guilty from the Falsely Accused
~
To more effectively stop children from ever being abused means better understanding child molesters, recognizing how they operate, and learning how they thin and feel. The kinds of child molesters described in this book, those who commit most of the sexual assaults against children, behave as sexual addicts who continuously fantasize about having sex with children, are sexually aroused to children, and enjoy getting away with it. Viewing their compulsive behavior as being like an addiction, in this case being addicted to having sex with children, in the same manner as one would view heroin addicts who are addicted to heroin,helps provide a framework to more accurately understand eh behavior. Those familiar with addictions recognize that the addiction drives the behavior because every act is directed at obtaining greater access to the drug of choice. For that reason, addicts primarily associate with people who can help them facilitate that goal, and not tolerate those who interfere with the goal. The child molesters described in the book similarly primarily associate with adults who can provide them with access to children, or who can help them polish their image with parents so they can have access to children. - Carla van Dam, The Socially Skilled Child Molester: Differentiating the Guilty from the Falsely Accused
~
That is why the child molesters described in this book, the socially skilled, respected, or feared individuals, are always on task, namely looking for opportunities to have sex with children. Their good deeds are meant to get them closer to children. Their constant activites,leaving them almost no personal time, are geared toward accessing victims. Ingratiating themselves with the adults and doing damage control are all necessary to provide ongoing repeated opportunities to have sex with children. - Carla van Dam, The Socially Skilled Child Molester: Differentiating the Guilty from the Falsely Accused
~
The people responsible for protecting the children also often find the topic shameful, embarrassing, and frightening. As a result, they frequently keep quiet and assume whatever happens to be their fault, a one-time error in judgment, or misunderstanding. - Carla van Dam, The Socially Skilled Child Molester: Differentiating the Guilty from the Falsely Accused
~
Child molesters also gravitate to those people who are most likely to be too polite to fend them off, too shy and anzious to tell themt o leave, too dependent to be assertive, adn too impressed by rank,power, status, or money to do the right thing. Child molesters deliberately associate with adults who cannot address these issues. They sek out adults who worry about hurting people's feelings. They charm adults who do not believe it could happen. - Carla van Dam, The Socially Skilled Child Molester: Differentiating the Guilty from the Falsely Accused
~
Child molseters are continuously busy with activties to gain access to children, but they focus on children only after the adults responsible for those children have signaled an unwillingness to monitor boundary violations, thereby having communicated that subtle cues of misconduct will be overlooked, ignored or tolerated. Groomers test this hypothesis by pusing boundaries of privacy, personal space, and thouching children infront of the adults, while crefully monitoring the reactions of surrounding adults. The Groomers look for those adults who seem oblivious to improprieties, do nothing, or say nothing, because they know those adults are the key gatekeepers for safe access to children. The Groomers then knwo those are the children to molest. - Carla van Dam, The Socially Skilled Child Molester: Differentiating the Guilty from the Falsely Accused
~
If predators are ever caught by adults unfamiliar with how offenders operate, the molesters typically and quickly claim either that the child was the seducer, or that it was the first time that they ever did anything like that, and provide some “plausible” excuse for why it happened just that one time. It is standard practice for offenders to express great remorse, insisting in a very convincing way that they feel terrible about what they did, and of course, they promise that they “will never do it again.”
As people who genuinely want to make this world a better place, we try very hard to give people the benefit of the doubt. We strive to not speak badly about people. And we believe that people can repent for their wrong deeds. Pedophiles know this, and they take advantage of our sincere efforts.
This is why it is important for us to learn and to teach others about the things you never wanted to know about child molesters. - Bracha Goetz, Things You Need to Know About Child Molesters
~
If a child discloses that he or she has been sexually abused, don’t rely on anyone else to fulfill your obligation. Call 911. - Bracha Goetz, Things You Need to Know About Child Molesters
~
Remember that perpetrators can look you right in the eye and lie easily. They are masters of deception. Leave investigations for forensic experts. - Bracha Goetz, Things You Need to Know About Child Molesters
~
Re-victimization can become a ritual. The offender will signal the beginning and the end of the victimization event by certain gesture, voice inflection, or other behaviour. These signals separate the victimization experiences from the rest of life, which will proceed without disruption. Children are especially vulnerable to re-victimization. Rituals of entrance and exit from the victimization episodes will support their sense of unreality about the abuse, and will increase the likelihood of splitting, of having a clear mental boundary between two different worlds. The offender may be like two separate people to the child victim, for example, daddy and monster. - http://spaz.ca/aaron/billious/RCYS/Chapter22.html
~
~
According to a study by the National Institute of Mental Health, the average molester of girls will have about fifty victoms before being caught and convicted; the average molester of boys will have an astonishing 150 victims before being caught and convicted. - Gavin de Becker "Identifying Child Molesters; Preventing Child Sexual Abuse by Recognizing the Patterns of the Offenders
~
[G]ood people are rarely suspicious: they cannot imagine others doing the things they themselves are incapable of doing; usually they accept the undramatic solution as the correct one, and let matters rest there. Then too, the normal are inclined to visualize the [psychopath]as one who's as monstrous in appearnace as he is in the mind, which is about as far from the truth as one could well get... These monsters of real life usually looked and behaved in a more normal manner than their actually normal brothers and sisters, they presented a more convincing picture of virtue than virtue presented of itself-- just as the wax rosebud or plastic peach seemed more perfect to the eye, more what the mind though a rosebud or peach should be, than the imperfect origional from which it had been modelled. - William March, The Bad Seed.
~
These often charming--but always deadly--individuals have a clinical name: psychopaths. Their hallmark is stunning lack of conscience; their game is self-gratification at the other person's expense. - Robert D. Hare PhD, Without Conscience: The Disturbing World of the Psychopaths Among Us
~
Unlike psychotic individuals, psychopaths are rational and aware of what they are doing and why. Their behavior is the result of choice, freely exercised. - Robert D. Hare PhD, Without Conscience: The Disturbing World of the Psychopaths Among Us
~
When Wanda met Bob she knew nothing about these prior incidents. She described being swept off her feet in a whirlwind romance, and noted that he was scrupulously attentive to her. She was disappointed that this attentiveness waned considerably after the marriage, but assumed that to be normal. She became more and more uncertain of herself during the relationship as he would disagree with her perceptions, argue about the accuracy of her recollection of events, and refute minor points while belittling her about everything, all done with such subtlety, ingenuity and finesse that she always assumed she was at fault. - Carla van Dam, The Socially Skilled Child Molester: Differentiating the Guilty from the Falsely Accused
~
To more effectively stop children from ever being abused means better understanding child molesters, recognizing how they operate, and learning how they thin and feel. The kinds of child molesters described in this book, those who commit most of the sexual assaults against children, behave as sexual addicts who continuously fantasize about having sex with children, are sexually aroused to children, and enjoy getting away with it. Viewing their compulsive behavior as being like an addiction, in this case being addicted to having sex with children, in the same manner as one would view heroin addicts who are addicted to heroin,helps provide a framework to more accurately understand eh behavior. Those familiar with addictions recognize that the addiction drives the behavior because every act is directed at obtaining greater access to the drug of choice. For that reason, addicts primarily associate with people who can help them facilitate that goal, and not tolerate those who interfere with the goal. The child molesters described in the book similarly primarily associate with adults who can provide them with access to children, or who can help them polish their image with parents so they can have access to children. - Carla van Dam, The Socially Skilled Child Molester: Differentiating the Guilty from the Falsely Accused
~
That is why the child molesters described in this book, the socially skilled, respected, or feared individuals, are always on task, namely looking for opportunities to have sex with children. Their good deeds are meant to get them closer to children. Their constant activites,leaving them almost no personal time, are geared toward accessing victims. Ingratiating themselves with the adults and doing damage control are all necessary to provide ongoing repeated opportunities to have sex with children. - Carla van Dam, The Socially Skilled Child Molester: Differentiating the Guilty from the Falsely Accused
~
The people responsible for protecting the children also often find the topic shameful, embarrassing, and frightening. As a result, they frequently keep quiet and assume whatever happens to be their fault, a one-time error in judgment, or misunderstanding. - Carla van Dam, The Socially Skilled Child Molester: Differentiating the Guilty from the Falsely Accused
~
Child molesters also gravitate to those people who are most likely to be too polite to fend them off, too shy and anzious to tell themt o leave, too dependent to be assertive, adn too impressed by rank,power, status, or money to do the right thing. Child molesters deliberately associate with adults who cannot address these issues. They sek out adults who worry about hurting people's feelings. They charm adults who do not believe it could happen. - Carla van Dam, The Socially Skilled Child Molester: Differentiating the Guilty from the Falsely Accused
~
Child molseters are continuously busy with activties to gain access to children, but they focus on children only after the adults responsible for those children have signaled an unwillingness to monitor boundary violations, thereby having communicated that subtle cues of misconduct will be overlooked, ignored or tolerated. Groomers test this hypothesis by pusing boundaries of privacy, personal space, and thouching children infront of the adults, while crefully monitoring the reactions of surrounding adults. The Groomers look for those adults who seem oblivious to improprieties, do nothing, or say nothing, because they know those adults are the key gatekeepers for safe access to children. The Groomers then knwo those are the children to molest. - Carla van Dam, The Socially Skilled Child Molester: Differentiating the Guilty from the Falsely Accused
~
As people who genuinely want to make this world a better place, we try very hard to give people the benefit of the doubt. We strive to not speak badly about people. And we believe that people can repent for their wrong deeds. Pedophiles know this, and they take advantage of our sincere efforts.
This is why it is important for us to learn and to teach others about the things you never wanted to know about child molesters. - Bracha Goetz, Things You Need to Know About Child Molesters
~
~
Remember that perpetrators can look you right in the eye and lie easily. They are masters of deception. Leave investigations for forensic experts. - Bracha Goetz, Things You Need to Know About Child Molesters
~
Re-victimization can become a ritual. The offender will signal the beginning and the end of the victimization event by certain gesture, voice inflection, or other behaviour. These signals separate the victimization experiences from the rest of life, which will proceed without disruption. Children are especially vulnerable to re-victimization. Rituals of entrance and exit from the victimization episodes will support their sense of unreality about the abuse, and will increase the likelihood of splitting, of having a clear mental boundary between two different worlds. The offender may be like two separate people to the child victim, for example, daddy and monster. - http://spaz.ca/aaron/billious/RCYS/Chapter22.html
~
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